


I Don't Mind

by erintoknow



Series: Aria [42]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, F/F, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Recovery, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 00:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erintoknow/pseuds/erintoknow
Summary: This was a mistake.





	I Don't Mind

**Author's Note:**

> [I Don't Mind](https://thebandjoseph.bandcamp.com/track/i-dont-mind)  
Previously:  
[Never Know](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026606) | [a dead connection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20050612)

“Here– here I am.” You say. “Ta-da…”

You stand there, frozen to the spot waiting for Julia to say something.

Something.

Anything.

_“I don’t understand. Alex, what am I looking at?” Her mind is swirling, even as she keeps her face a careful blank. But you can still pick up enough. Thoughts of tv reports of murder machines in foreign wars, whispered rumors of assassin seductresses._

_ “I… I’m sorry.”_

Ortega’s face is blank and her mind remains, as ever, the static hum of a radio tuned to the channel of the universe. What is she thinking? _God_. You don’t know. Can never know. You feel sick. “I…” Ortega can’t keep the pain off her face now. “I don’t understand, Ariadne. What am I looking at?”

You choke back a sob with a forced laugh. “What’s not to get?” You hug yourself, you feel faint, it’s hard to see. “I’m not real Julia. I’m.. I’m some kind of–”

_“You’re a weapon? Some kind of… fake human?” Chelsea clutches at her head. “Oh my God. Oh my Jesus Christ. I’ve been living with a fucking AI piloted super weapon?”_

_ “Chelsea…?”_

_ Her laugh is short and sharp. “I’ve pissed off some people in my time, but never the fucking military, Jesus Christ. Oh my God.” She laughs again, “Jesus, my life is over.”_

_ This was a mistake. She’s panicking. She hates you. She doesn’t know it yet, but it’s inevitable. You’ve messed up. You messed up. Why did you think you could trust anyone? Why did you think she would be different? Didn’t the Farm teach you better then this? You’ll… You’ll have to fix it before things get out of hand. Before the memory settles in too far and she starts asking questions. Maybe– Maybe everything can go back to like it was before, except–_

Arms wrap tight around you, crushing you against Julia’s chest. “Shut up.” She says, and you can feel the wet on her face, pressing into yours. “Don’t you fucking finish that sentence pendejo–” she descends into an incoherent list of Spanish profanity.

You stand there, rigid as a marble column, unable to bring yourself to move from the spot, to put your arms around her. There’s no memory wiping you can fall back on now. This is for keeps.

“I’m so _stupid_.” Julia pulls you tighter, there’s no getting out of this grip. Any moment she’s going to fry you. It’s over. You’re okay with that. You deserve it. “All those fucking years…” Her fingers dig into your skin and you wince. “And every time I talked about ReGenes and you– And you wouldn’t join the Rangers– Always kept the lights off– _fuck_.” She squeezes you again. Is this how you go? With your spine broken in Ortega’s arms? “Dios mio, I’m so fucking _stupid_.”

There’s no trying to fix things this time. It’s over.

Ortega rests her head in the crook of her neck. “I’m so, _so,_ _sorry_.”

You choke. “Wh-what?”

“You must hate me Ari… Can you ever forgive me?”

“Hate you…?” It’s like the floor’s been pulled from under you. You feel faint, light-headed. Are you dying? “F-fo-forgive you?”

“I didn’t even look.” Julia is shaking, as she clings to you. Your own legs feel weak and together the two of you sink to the floor. “I just got drunk and felt sorry for myself. But you– you were–” Again Julia breaks down into a stream of Spanish profanity.

Slowly, carefully, you raise your arms, wrap them around her. The moment feels unreal. This can’t be happening, can it? You don’t deserve this. “I– I told you… I’m not real, I–”

“Shut up!” Julia squeezes you. “Don’t fucking say that about my girlfriend again, okay?”

“What?” Your voice breaks, throat so tight it hurts. “What are you saying? I– I– I don’t understand. I don’t understand.”

“Ariadne…” Julia sobs into your neck. “What’s not to understand?”

“Why aren’t you mad at me? Why– why– why don’t you– don’t you hate me?” Your shaking. You’re barely holding it together. The only thing keeping you from running is Julia’s arms pulling you down with her. “I’ve– I’ve lied to you. Every step of the way. Every day.” You collapse against her. “I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt you so badly.”

“We–” Ortega has to take a breath, steady her breathing. “We can talk details. When we aren’t… when we aren’t a mess. I… I’ve got so many questions.” She pulls back so she can rest her forehead against yours, meet puffy red eyes to puffy red eyes. “But I don’t, _God, _Ariadne Becker,” she tries to smile. “I could never, _never_ hate you.”

You’re beyond terror now. Nothing is real. You’re falling. The ground just hasn’t hit yet. “Ortega… _Julia_… don’t you– don’t you understand? What I am? What that means?”

Julia holds you by the shoulders, locking eyes with you. “It doesn’t change the most important thing. Ariadne, I– I love you. I told you that.” She cracks a smile, but it’s difficult to pull off smooth when you’ve got tears running down your face. “And I’ll… I’ll punch anyone who tries to hurt you.”

That does it. You collapse against her again, sobbing incoherently. You don’t understand it. You don’t understand. How she can not hate you? Maybe… maybe once the shock wears off and she comes to her senses. And you have to answer her questions. There’s no running now. No wiping someone’s mind. No unringing the bell.

But that’s for the future.

In the moment, holding each other up on the floor, tears and makeup running onto each other’s clothes and bodies it’s tempting to think maybe, maybe, for once in your life, everything will work out okay.

It won’t. You’re sure of that.

But you want to believe it will.


End file.
